Are you avoiding conflict or avoiding yourself?

Why you're so afraid to rock the boat - and what is it costing you?

You say “it’s fine” when it’s really not. You draft the text you want to send but never hit send. Maybe you tell yourself you’re keeping the peace, choosing grace, “being the bigger person”. But beneath that lies an uncomfortable truth: sometimes, what looks like you keeping the peace on the outside is actually emotional avoidance on the inside.

People often say, “Oh I don’t want to rock the boat - I don’t want to upset them”, seemingly being empathetic. But what’s really going on under the surface is the fear of what the conflict might reveal: our unmet needs, our shaky boundaries, our fear of being seen as “too much” or “too sensitive.” We’ve been taught, explicitly or not, that speaking up risks connection, that rocking the boat makes you difficult, ungrateful, or unloveable.

So we shrink, soften, smooth things over. But, that leaves us lonely, misunderstood, and unsatisfied. As the tides of our relationships change, I couldn’t help but wonder - when is it okay to rock the boat?

Subscribe below to keep reading about:

• Registration link for the Monthly In-Sessions Meet Up where we are talking about ‘Practicing Boundaries, Reclaiming Your Voice”.

• The fear of conflict - what are you really avoiding?

• The hidden types of self-abandonment

• The long-term costs of always keeping the peace (and why you’re lonely)

• Going from avoidance to (real) authenticity