Can I have more than one feeling at a time?

How to handle multiple feelings at the same time.

I’ve been having a strange experience recently, which literally led me to ask myself the question: can I feel joy right now? I’d have moments of calm and joy because I’m by myself — so I’m spending a lot of time reading and writing, learning to cook new things; I’d have moments of gratitude for myself, for my apartment — then, immediately after I’d get hit by a wave of guilt. I’ve never experienced guilt for being happy before. It’s a strange feeling. I talked to a few people and was surprised to find that they were feeling the same! (I thought I was the only one!). Guilt is a really uncomfortable feeling, so the knee-jerk response everyone had was to squash away the joy and over-identify with the fear and anxiety instead.

It seems like the world, as we know it, has stopped. But even amidst the chaos, we haven’t stopped being human beings, with the same range of emotions that we’ve always had. But, because of the multitudes of issues (geopolitical conflict, housing crisis, poverty, environmental collapse…to name a few, without being cynical), we’re paying extra close attention to only the unpleasant set of emotions: fear, anxiety, frustration, and anger.

Our emotions are not absolute.

Part of being present and living authentically is creating space for all the emotions that exist inside us. In the same way we practice being open to sadness and fear and anger, at this time we have to practice being open to joy, gratitude, and peace. The same way we don’t want to get into power struggles with our fear, we don’t want to push and pull against our joy either.

Even though it seems like we have to pick sides, and can only hold one type of emotion at one time, we can actually hold and experience both sets of emotions (pleasant and unpleasant) at the same time. Having a joyful moment, feeling gratitude, feeling at peace because you know you’re safe, doesn’t invalidate the terrible things that are happening in the world. Neither does it negate or disrespect anyone else’s struggles right now. And it certainly doesn’t make you a bad person. 

Once I realized the pattern I was falling into, I became conscious of moments of joy. You can try it the next time you start feeling guilty for feeling happy or grateful -- stay with that feeling. What does that mean?

• Label it to yourself; acknowledge the warmth of your joy/peace/calm/gratitude.

• Share that feeling and experience with someone you trust, who won’t shame you or minimize it.

• If you’re not comfortable sharing, write yourself a quick note (or a long letter, if you’re like me!) about what brought that feeling. Leave it somewhere you can come back to on a difficult day.

We’ve got a somewhat uncertain and long road ahead of us, as the world puts its pieces back together. We have to hold on to our joy and build the reserves, so we can tap into it when we’re not feeling our best. Your mixed emotions mean you are human; that you have compassion for the world beyond your own life.