How to build more authentic relationships.
The opposite of loneliness is -- being understood.
When I moved to New York City, about six years ago, I was surprisingly lonely. Loneliness was an unexpected experience - I had just gotten married, my sister lived in New York too, and I loved New York City. Yet, there I was, feeling lonely in a way that I had never been before. It was eye-opening, humbling and I felt overwhelmed by it.
The issue is, we mistakenly believe that the opposite of loneliness is being around others - that’s only half of the solution. Loneliness is not about how many people are around you, but about how you relate to people around you. As I navigated learning about a new city and new relationships, I realized what I was missing was community in this new stage of my life. I was in a life transition and this new version of me needed to reflect on new needs. I needed to learn more about myself before I could feel connected to new people. This realization led me on a journey of intentional self-discovery and seeking new, authentic friendships.
Big cities are paradoxical - there are so many people, yet it is hard to find people like you. Something that helped me a lot at that time was joining social clubs that aligned with my interests and values (like, Girls Who Meet). Tip: becoming a regular at a social club helps find others you can build connections and have shared experiences with.
I also learned that overcoming loneliness requires two things: (1) being intentional about who we spend time with and (2) how well we know ourselves.
Consider becoming a paid subscriber and keep reading to learn more about:
What is your loneliness telling you?
What shapes loneliness: The emotions behind loneliness and actions/reflections to manage them.
Ways to alleviate loneliness: Building authentic connections, learn how to align expectations with the right relationships, and 3 ways to build a stronger relationship with yourself.
A Relationships Audit worksheet.
The WellGuide Watchlist: A curated list of popular media/cultural content to help you learn more about loneliness and authentic connections.
*Reminder: Tuesday March 12th at 6pm ET we will have our newsletter community event about what is an authentic connection and how to build one. This is free to all paid subscribers. Sign up below to join the event!